Your Cheating Heart
Adultery does not start in the bedroom. Oftentimes it starts with a lively conversation or maybe a Facebook exchange. Conversations blossom into flirting. Flirting then takes on a whole new dynamic as personal feelings are shared. Rather than sitting down with a spouse and sharing problems and concerns, individuals spill their guts to a stranger who is quick to console and provide emotional—and eventually physical—support.
Adultery doesn’t just happen.
I dare say there is not a congregation in the church that has not felt the devastating effects of adultery. Our hearts sink when we hear about yet another couple torn apart by the tentacles of infidelity. Occasionally, the sin is committed with someone outside the church family. Many times, however, a married individual turns to someone within the church family. Multiple families are destroyed as selfish individuals seek their own pleasure and treat their marriages like a doormat. Adultery has affected young and old, rich and poor. We can all identify friends, preachers, deacons, and elders who have turned their lives upside down in search of greener grass. Few consider the lasting damage to their children, their families, the church, and their relationship with God in search of a few moments of physical pleasure. It’s the heat of the moment.
Here’s what I intend on teaching my children about adultery.
I’m going to make an admission that will likely get me into a great deal of trouble: Your mother has more wrinkles and gray hair than the day I asked her to marry me. (I do too for that matter!) But I can honestly say that when I look at your mother today she is more beautiful than the day we married. Many times I will look at her without her knowing and smile from ear to ear at how lucky I am to be married to such a beautiful woman. Your mother has a beauty that radiates from her very soul. I found a Proverbs 31 woman and I rejoice with the wife of my youth (Proverbs 5:18). I pray that one day you will be able to experience a similar feeling.
Marriage is for life. It is the second biggest decision you will make in your lifetime. The vows you make before God, your family, and friends are not to be taken lightly. The way in which you view the opposite sex must change on that day, as you are no longer “looking” for someone. Your search is over—forever! (Matthew 5:27-30).
Your marriage should focus on getting one another to heaven. If you get married and focus on what you “don’t” have, I assure you that your marriage will suffer. Allow me to be blunt for a moment: There will always be someone out there with more physical beauty, talents, or wealth than your spouse. (You are not excluded from this either!) However, always remember that just because the grass may appear greener does not mean it tastes good or doesn’t come with some serious maintenance. It is easy to focus a great deal of importance on physical things when you are young, but physical things will eventually fade away. I want to encourage you to focus on the beautiful grass you have been blessed with and count your blessings every single day.
One wonders how much Solomon knew of his dad’s relationship with Bathsheba. Consider the warning he gave against adultery in Proverbs 5. After describing the immoral woman’s lips as dripping honey and her mouth smoother than oil (vs. 3), he goes on to say, “Remove your way from her. And do not go near the door of her house” (vs. 8). Don’t even place that temptation before you. When one combs through God’s Word and researches the topic of marriage, divorce, and remarriage, the action of infidelity keeps bubbling up as a lynchpin (Matthew 19; 1 Corinthians 7) that—like death—can severe a marriage. It is a sin that was singled out in the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:14). Guard against it with diligence!
Your mom and I occasionally talk about the reality of adultery. We are smart enough to recognize that the devil is “seeking whom he can devour” (1 Peter 5:8), and that includes the two of us! I am careful not to be alone with any woman other than your mother. I will often talk about my wife and children in front of individuals so they know I am a family man. We know if either of us let our guard down then devastating things could happen. As such, we try to be proactive to ensure that we are never in that position. From basic things like sharing computer passwords to more advanced things like phoning and letting one another know where we are, we are committed to one another (and God!).
I pray that you will “drink water from your own cistern” and work hard to make your mate happy (Proverbs 5:15-20). Read Song of Solomon with your spouse and fulfill one another’s physical needs. Enjoy the intimacy of your marriage and flee temptation. Lastly, my child, never forget the things I have taught you…Proverbs 3:1-6.
Love,
Dad
Having looked into the tearful eyes of parents whose children have abandoned the Faith, I have learned there are a million miles between our children “going through the motions” in reference to their spiritual lives versus our children possessing hearts that dictate their actions. In this column, I plan to share with you what I hope to instill in the hearts of my own children and those whom I love.
Adultery does not start in the bedroom. Oftentimes it starts with a lively conversation or maybe a Facebook exchange. Conversations blossom into flirting. Flirting then takes on a whole new dynamic as personal feelings are shared. Rather than sitting down with a spouse and sharing problems and concerns, individuals spill their guts to a stranger who is quick to console and provide emotional—and eventually physical—support.
I dare say there is not a congregation in the church that has not felt the devastating effects of adultery. Our hearts sink when we hear about yet another couple torn apart by the tentacles of infidelity. Occasionally, the sin is committed with someone outside the church family. Many times, however, a married individual turns to someone within the church family. Multiple families are destroyed as selfish individuals seek their own pleasure and treat their marriages like a doormat. Adultery has affected young and old, rich and poor. We can all identify friends, preachers, deacons, and elders who have turned their lives upside down in search of greener grass. Few consider the lasting damage to their children, their families, the church, and their relationship with God in search of a few moments of physical pleasure. It’s the heat of the moment.
Here’s what I intend on teaching my children about adultery.
I’m going to make an admission that will likely get me into a great deal of trouble: Your mother has more wrinkles and gray hair than the day I asked her to marry me. (I do too for that matter!) But I can honestly say that when I look at your mother today she is more beautiful than the day we married. Many times I will look at her without her knowing and smile from ear to ear at how lucky I am to be married to such a beautiful woman. Your mother has a beauty that radiates from her very soul. I found a Proverbs 31 woman and I rejoice with the wife of my youth (Proverbs 5:18). I pray that one day you will be able to experience a similar feeling.
Marriage is for life. It is the second biggest decision you will make in your lifetime. The vows you make before God, your family, and friends are not to be taken lightly. The way in which you view the opposite sex must change on that day, as you are no longer “looking” for someone. Your search is over—forever! (Matthew 5:27-30).
Your marriage should focus on getting one another to heaven. If you get married and focus on what you “don’t” have, I assure you that your marriage will suffer. Allow me to be blunt for a moment: There will always be someone out there with more physical beauty, talents, or wealth than your spouse. (You are not excluded from this either!) However, always remember that just because the grass may appear greener does not mean it tastes good or doesn’t come with some serious maintenance. It is easy to focus a great deal of importance on physical things when you are young, but physical things will eventually fade away. I want to encourage you to focus on the beautiful grass you have been blessed with and count your blessings every single day.
One wonders how much Solomon knew of his dad’s relationship with Bathsheba. Consider the warning he gave against adultery in Proverbs 5. After describing the immoral woman’s lips as dripping honey and her mouth smoother than oil (vs. 3), he goes on to say, “Remove your way from her. And do not go near the door of her house” (vs. 8). Don’t even place that temptation before you. When one combs through God’s Word and researches the topic of marriage, divorce, and remarriage, the action of infidelity keeps bubbling up as a lynchpin (Matthew 19; 1 Corinthians 7) that—like death—can severe a marriage. It is a sin that was singled out in the Ten Commandments (Exodus 20:14). Guard against it with diligence!
Your mom and I occasionally talk about the reality of adultery. We are smart enough to recognize that the devil is “seeking whom he can devour” (1 Peter 5:8), and that includes the two of us! I am careful not to be alone with any woman other than your mother. I will often talk about my wife and children in front of individuals so they know I am a family man. We know if either of us let our guard down then devastating things could happen. As such, we try to be proactive to ensure that we are never in that position. From basic things like sharing computer passwords to more advanced things like phoning and letting one another know where we are, we are committed to one another (and God!).
I pray that you will “drink water from your own cistern” and work hard to make your mate happy (Proverbs 5:15-20). Read Song of Solomon with your spouse and fulfill one another’s physical needs. Enjoy the intimacy of your marriage and flee temptation. Lastly, my child, never forget the things I have taught you…Proverbs 3:1-6.
Love,
Dad
