Heart of the Matter: Consider Courtship

Cultural historians point to the late 1800s and early 1900s as the introduction of “dating” in America. Prior to this, courtship was the normal practice. (There were even still remnants of prearranged marriage—rooted in European culture—in some pockets of America.) Dating during this time was not a separate and distinct custom, but rather it was an “evolution” of courtship practices. Prior to modern dating, young men would come to a young lady’s home—and under the watchful eye of parents (and maybe siblings), a young couple would get to know one another for the intent of getting married. Dating pulled this system out of the young lady’s home, away from the watchful eyes of the parents, and multiplied the number of suitors significantly.

Sadly, during this transition from courtship to modern dating the church remained quiet—taking the position that dating was a private matter. But that silence came at a very high cost. Mix into that silence the sexual revolution of the 1960s and 1970s, and one can quickly identify the recipe for disaster. It was during those silent years that millions of Baby boomers were sexually active before marriage. They dated around and then finally settled down and got married. However, many of those marriages did not work and sadly ended in divorce.

The knee-jerk reaction from the church was to flood our teen classes with material on marriage, abstinence, and dating. The pendulum had already swung so far away from courtship that most congregations never even gave it any thought. Thankfully, many congregations are now waking up realizing that the old way of doing things is not working. As such, some parents and congregations are reanalyzing the notion of courtship.

Here’s what I intend on teaching my children about courtship.

First and foremost, I want you to know that your mom and I desire that you marry someone who will help you get to Heaven. This is the second biggest decision that you will make during your lifetime (the first being the decision to become a Christian). The Bible doesn’t give specific commands regarding finding your mate, and as such Christians must look at Biblical precepts and use common sense. While we don’t believe in “arranged marriages” (even though it is awfully tempting! J), we do want to help and guide you through the selection process. In Colossians 3:17 we read, “And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” This includes selecting a mate. It does not make any sense for us to watch over your souls in every other aspect of your life, but then send you out by yourself and “hope you find a good one.” As I’ve said many times, “hope” is not a strategy for success.

Merriam Webster defines courting as engaging“in social activities leading to engagement and marriage.” It entails a single man going through the father of a single young lady. Notice that it has marriage as its end goal. Courtship entails a different motive than dating—the motive is to find a spouse. If marriage is the end-goal, then we should ask why anyone would get involved in a relationship with someone if they were not candidates for marriage? For young men this means they have secured a job that will allow them to provide for himself and his future spouse.

Courtship also entails a different mindset.Rather than looking for someone based solely on external features, having a checklist of qualities you desire, and judging how someone makes you “feel,” you search for a godly spouse. This needs to be someone you can love, and yes are attracted to, but more importantly someone who will help you serve the Lord and will help you get to heaven. Abraham loved his son so much he sent his servant back to his home country to find a wife (Genesis 24). Notice that Rebekah agreed to be married to Isaac having never seen him. Likewise, Isaac had never seen Rebekah prior to the day he was walking in the field.

Finally, courtship entails a different method. In courtship the young man goes through the father—who vets the young man as a possible suitor. The father approaches the daughter to discern if this is someone in whom she has an interest. And then after clearance is given, the young couple use group/public situations to get to know each other and their families. While there is not a “paint-by-numbers” detailed method, the process is one that everyone feels will protect the heart and purity of both individuals.

Please understand that your mom and I don’t have all the answers in this area—and there will be some trial and error. But we are committed to helping you walk down the aisle honorable before God and finding someone who loves your soul as much as we do. We continue to pray for that person.

Love,

Dad

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If She Only Had a Brain

Have you ever seen the movie the “Wizard of Oz”?  Surely you have, it’s an all-time classic.  O.K., O.K., maybe you are one of the ten or so who hasn’t seen it; but surely you’ve heard of it.  Perhaps you remember the scarecrow who sang, “If I only had a brain.”

This song reminds me of a story about an atheistic school teacher who was trying to explain evolution to a class of 6-year-olds.  She said, “Tommy, do you see the tree outside?”  “Yes,” said Tommy.  The teacher asked, “Tommy, do you see the grass outside?”  Again, Tommy said, “Yes.”  The teacher said, “Can you see the sky.”  Tommy said, “Yes.”  The teacher asked, “Did you see God?”  Tommy said, “No.”  “That’s my point,” said the teacher, “We can’t see God because He isn’t there.”  A little girl spoke up and wanted to ask Tommy some questions.  The teacher agreed, and the little girl asked, “Tommy, do you see the tree outside?”  Tommy said, “Yes.”  She asked, “Tommy, do you see the grass outside?”  Tommy, getting tired of the questions by this time, said, “Yes.”  She asked, “Tommy, do you see the teacher?”  Tommy said, “Yes.”  She asked, “Do you see her brain?”  Tommy said, “No.”  She asked, “Does that mean she doesn’t have one?”

Good question.  Remember friends, “…faith is the SUBSTANCE of things hoped for, the EVIDENCE of things not seen” (Heb. 11:1).

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We Are Not Alone

While we live in a very transparent society we can often find ourselves very isolated and alone. It is commonly the case that, during these moments of solitude, we are lured into a false sense of security. Hence, we let down our spiritual guard and regularly are overcome by temptation and sin. The seclusion of the hotel room while away from home offers the opportunity to view pornography, the privacy of a meeting room allows for an office flirtation to become more serious, the solitude of the car allows for words of anger to be spoken, the secrecy of a confidence affords an opportunity to violate that trust.

The fact is though that we are NEVER alone. God knows the thoughts in your mind, He hears the words from your lips and he sees the sinful act no matter our attempts to conceal them from all others (Job 34:21; Psalm 139:1-6). And He will hold you accountable for them in this life and the next. He hates the wicked imaginations and acts of a foolish heart.

We cannot hide from the all-seeing eyes of Jehovah (Proverbs 15:3; Psalm 11:4). God sees and watches all you do (Proverbs 5:21; Jeremiah 17:10). In His sight every foolish thought is sin (Proverbs 24:9; Ezekiel 14:4 Matthew 5:28). He sees where I go and what I do.

It is imperative for us to remember that the all-seeing eyes of Jehovah are looking at everything we say, hear, and do. Why? Because He is some angry God who is just waiting to pounce on us the minute that we “mess up?” No! He is looking for faithful men so that He might bless them (2 Chronicles 16:9; Psalm 34:11-16).

God walks with us and wants to bless us. Let us each ensure that we are always aware of His presence and live obedient and loyal lives!

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Time and Patience

Building the Lord’s Body Requires Time and Patience

Understanding time and the need for patience,  especially with respect to building the Lord’s  body, seems to be a mark of maturity. Young  Christians (and especially young preachers who need  seasoning) may not realize the amount of time and  patience necessary. Very often, our zeal and enthusiasm  (while a necessary quality—Titus 2:14) may rush us  into thinking that building the Lord’s body can be done  quickly, and we become impatient.

Consider the amount of time, patience, and care that God put into the scheme of redemption. When  Adam and Eve committed the first human sin in Genesis  3, Jesus did not come to die for them immediately, but  rather, a calculated plan of salvation went into effect.  This plan, which Paul described,  “According to the  eternal purpose which he purposed in Christ Jesus our  Lord” (Eph. 3:11), took thousands of years to execute.  “But when the fullness of the time was come, God sent  forth his Son, made of a woman, made under the law” (Gal. 4:4). The point is that God demonstrated time and  patience Himself, so when we see Peter preaching on  the Pentecost, and more than three thousand responded  appropriately, we understand that much preparation went  into that occasion.

Consider another example. We often see the  wonderful effects of Philip and his preaching in Samaria  in Acts 8 as both men and women were baptized as a  result of him preaching Christ and the things concerning  the kingdom of God. Nevertheless, we may forget the  work that Jesus Himself did in Samaria just months  prior in John 4. As the conversation between Jesus and a  Samaritan woman led into Jesus teaching and influencing  many Samaritans, many of them believed on Him. As a  matter of fact, they were successful in persuading him  to stay two more days. Look at the saturating work that  Jesus was doing in preparing the hearts of the people.  Therefore, when Philip comes along months later, his  success with the preaching of the gospel and his Christ- centered message is directly related to the groundwork  that Jesus had already performed. Together, these show  that building the body of Christ takes time and often  patience.

Jesus illustrated the role of teaching and preaching  as sowing the seed in Matthew 13. Farmers understand  quite well the need for time and patience that goes with  planting and harvesting a crop. After planting the seeds,  farmers do not expect to begin harvesting the next day,  but they must exercise patience before the plants even  sprout above the ground, much less develop to the point  of producing fruit ready for harvest. So it is with building  the Lord’s body. While we understand the tremendous  promise that God gave us:

For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from  heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth  the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that  it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the  eater: So shall my word be that goeth forth out of  my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it  shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall  prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.  (Isa. 55:10-11)

We also know that such is not promised with immediate results. Sometimes, the results are not seen for years.

From my experience, some of the most effective   preachers have been those who have labored many   years in one location. They have patiently labored in the   community to the point that even non-Christians in the   community know and recognize them. They have worked   patiently to develop a good name in that locality, and   it is often after working longer than a decade that they   reap their greatest harvest. Why? It is because building   the Lord’s body requires time and patience. I believe it   was the late William Woodson who expressed, “It will   take preaching ten to twenty years to undo ten to twenty   years’ worth of problems.” Such is very often true.

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Those Priceless Parables

The term “parable” is defined as “a simple story illustrating a moral or religious lesson.”  Literally it means, “a throwing alongside” (i.e., one thing is placed along side another for the purpose of comparison).  Often described as “an earthly message with a heavenly meaning,” Biblical parables were so effective in conveying spiritual truths that Jesus utilized them at great length in His teaching.

When His disciples asked, “Why do you speak to them in parables?” Jesus responded, “Because it has been given to you to know the mysteries of the kingdom of heaven, but to them it has not been given…Therefore I speak to them in parables, because seeing they do not see, and hearing they do not hear, nor do they understand” (Mt. 13:10-13). Though Jesus said this about 2,000 years ago His statement is just as pertinent today as it was then; for there are in this generation those of whom it could
easily be said, ”Hearing you will hear and shall not understand, and seeing you will see and not perceive; for the hearts of this people have grown dull.  Their ears are hard of hearing, and their eyes they have closed, lest they should see with their eyes and hear with their ears, lest they should understand with their hearts and turn, so that I should heal them” (vv. 14-15).

Therefore, friends, “read and understand” (2 Cor. 1:13), for those priceless parables are still to the saving of the soul.

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