Pain by Husband

Can a Husband Injure His Wife Without Knowing It?

Cuts her out of the discussion – When you act as if she isn’t even there or wouldn’t understand what you’re talking about, she feels a part of herself that is detached. Husbands cannot forget that wives see the marriage as a partnership…in every part of life…even the parts she may never fully understand. She wants to be involved.

Pain by husband.

Husband. Don’t make her cry!

Fails to notice the difference she makes – A woman doesn’t want to be appreciated for only what she does. She wants you to appreciate who she is, but more importantly, she wants you to admit that she does a lot. Whether it’s decorating the house or making sure the clothes are clean…or that you have your favorite soap…a woman wants to know what she does is valued by you.

Underestimates the small stuff – You only said “this” but it was “THIS” to her. Sometimes what we think are no big deal is a big deal to her and when we do not pay attention to it, it hurts her. You may even think it’s funny that she gets so worked up over the little things. And, She may even laugh out loud about it. But, oftentimes, she is laughing instead of screaming or crying because she is building a wall of protection around her heart each time your not serious about what matters to her. So, the key here is that you can’t talk to her like you might talk to another guy. She hears and feels deeper than you do and our words and actions can and do hurt.

Speaks with curtness – When you talk down to her, as if she’s somehow less than you, you bruise her spirit. Deeply. And, you know that she is not below you, she is your equal. God created Eve from the side of man. So, when you talk to her, remember husbands that sometimes she cannot tell by your tone and the way you talk to her, if you are serious or joking. What you may think is a normal way to speak, can tear her up inside.

Corrects her as she’s talking – This could be finishing her sentences or speaking for her in the company of others. Your wife has a mind all her own and when we do such things, your wife feels demeaned and devalued when you present her to others as if she can’t compete with you in original thought…which you know isn’t true (My wife is much smarter than me). So, stop trying to read her mind and let her express what she wants to say.

Acts suspicious – Don’t misunderstand or misapply this one. When you hide information, even when you think you’re protecting her, you cause her to question your motive. When you protect your calendar…or act like you are upset at the question “What did you do today?” or “What did you talk about?” or “Who was that?” when someone calls, it gives her an eerie feeling something is wrong. And, that hurts. Try being more open instead of mysterious. She is always interested in the other half of herself.

Admires other women over her – She sees you looking. She may even understand your highly visual make-up. But still, it hurts her when a glance becomes a stare…especially when it happens everywhere you go…all the time. Husbands, control your eyes. Remember, you are married and therefore, you prefer your spouse to all the other women of the world. You cleave to her, not to a strange woman. You know, a wife’s heart, no matter how independent or strong she is, is tender in places. Lots of places. And, she can bruise easily in some areas of her life…especially the places that involve the people she loves the most…like you, her husband. A husband who understands this is more careful in how he speaks and responds to her. And, most husbands I know would never injure their wife knowingly. They want to be her protector. But husbands, when we don’t realize the damage we are doing to our wives emotions, we invalidate every desire we have to be her defender. And consider this: What other ways, besides these seven, do husbands injure their wives, without even knowing it?

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Hearing the Gospel

Three Men Hear the Gospel

In 1 Corinthians 2 and 3 the apostle Paul mentions three types of people to whom the gospel is preached:

gospel

The gospel can cure all!

1. The Natural Man (2:14): this one is exposed to the gospel of Christ – but rejects it.

2. The Carnal Man (3:1-4): in this sense, this  one initially receives the gospel but will not allow his conduct of life to be transformed by it.

3. The Spiritual Man (3:1): this one both receives the gospel and allows his conduct of life to be transformed by it..

Three heart patients went to the doctor.  The doctor warned each of them concerning their problem and gave them strict instructions to follow.  The first man thought it foolish, continued in his bad health and died (cf. 1:18).  The second man heeded the doctor’s advice, but made no changes to correct it, and he died (cf. Lk. 8:12).  The third man heeded the advice and made the necessary changes – and he lived on. Which man best describes you?

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David, Instruments, and Singing

Seriously? You Hear The Strangest Things About The Church Of Christ (#2)

“What a beautiful Saturday morning,” Joe thought as he pulled into Fedoya Park for his daughter’s soccer game. (The coaches had requested the girls all be there a bit earlier than usual for warm-ups.) As he parked and his wife and daughter piled out of the car with soccer equipment in tow, he noticed that his co-worker, Chuck, and his family were already there. Chuck was the “church of Christ guy” from work whom Joe always enjoyed talking to about the Bible because Chuck seemed to know it so well.

After Joe collected the two lawn chairs from the rear of his truck, he waved his wife over and then approached where Chuck was sitting. He had been particularly perturbed lately and at a loss to understand something he had heard about the churches of Christ. Hoping for an answer, he went over and set up his and his wife’s chairs beside where Chuck and his family were sitting.

Eventually, after the introductions and obligatory weather comments had concluded, Joe said, “Hey Chuck; I got a question for you… I’ve heard it said recently that churches of Christ don’t have music… is that true?”

Chuck smiled and responded jovially, “No, that’s not true at all – not even remotely. We enjoy some of the sweetest worship music ever sung. Every Christian there – young and old alike – seeks to pour out their musical praises to God with all their heart, mind, and soul just the way God commanded His faithful New Testament church to do so long ago.”

“That’s not quite what I meant,” Joe responded wryly. “I meant, is it true that you guys don’t use instruments? All the other churches do. Are you saying they’re wrong?”

praiseband

Worshipping with the Band?

Without missing a beat, Chuck said, “What I’m saying is this… Let’s suppose your wife, whom you love deeply, has made it abundantly clear that she wants one particular pearl necklace from you for her special day. She has placed a picture of it beside your alarm clock so it’s the first thing you see when you wake up in the morning. She has pasted a picture of it on your medicine cabinet mirror so when you go in to shave you can’t miss it. Coming down the stairs for breakfast, you see she has slid a picture of it halfway under your breakfast plate – as well as one under your coffee cup. Leaving for work and getting into your car, you see she has slipped a picture of it in front of your speedometer. And finally, picking up your cell phone to text her that you got the message already, you see that she has posted a picture of it on there as your wallpaper! That’s six, different, unmistakable messages, indicating exactly what she wants on her special day. And so the question: Do you love her enough to give her what she asked for? Or, do you suppose it would be “just fine” with her if you got her a necktie instead? After all, they both go around the neck.”

“Not if he knows what’s good for him,” Joe’s wife instantly interjected from the seat beside him. “He might have something else wrapped around his neck at that point – and I’m not talking about his loving wife’s arms either!” she continued rather quickly and quite convincingly.

“Exactly,” Chuck continued. So; how many times do those who truly love and want to please and submit to the Lord alone, have to be told by Him precisely what type of worship music He wants before they decide to honor His wishes instead of their own? He has told us all very clearly, not once, not twice, not three, not even six, but a total of eight different times in the New Testament, exactly the type of worship music He wants: singing – and singing only. What makes us think, as feeble human beings, that we therefore have the authority to give Him something else – something we might prefer or even see as better – over what He has so thoroughly indicated?

Completely caught off guard by the absolute simplicity of such sound and logical biblical reasoning, all Joe could stammer was, “But… what about David? He used instruments!”

“He also danced uncovered before the Lord and offered up animal sacrifices too,” Chuck said, chuckling, “but that doesn’t mean that those Old Testament practices are a part of New Testament church worship. It’s like this… Let’s go back to the pearls example. Suppose your first wife loved puzzles. She had a huge puzzle collection. Every holiday you sought to purchase her a new and unique puzzle. She eventually passes away and you remarry. Your new wife makes it extremely clear that she loves pearls – not puzzles. What would you get her when you want to celebrate her special day? Puzzles… or pearls?”

“If I’m the second wife, it better not be puzzles!” Joe’s wife chillingly chimed in once again from her nearby lawn chair.

“Well, it’s the same way with God. Under the Old Mosaic Covenant with the Israelites, sure, they used instruments. It was a very ‘physically-oriented’ system. However, under the New Covenant of Christ, which is a much more ‘spiritually-oriented’ system, we see that God insists, not on some talented few playing their instruments in worship to Him while the rest look on, but on every single and grateful saint in the congregation singing His praises and putting their whole mind and spirit into it; teaching, admonishing, and encouraging one another while singing and making melody to the Lord with thankful hearts and cheerful lips! This is what the eight, exclusive New Testament messages or passages from God on the type of music He desires tell us. Our preacher posted quite an in-depth bible study on this to our website. If you really want to learn more about worshipping as God wants, then maybe you ought to check it out. It’s at http://www.clevelandcoc.com/?page_id=161.

And as far as who’s right or wrong Joe… we in the churches of Christ absolutely believe that the only way to be sure that a person is going to heaven, is to be as close to being right with God as they possibly can. And that the only way they can do that, is simply to study everything out, “book, chapter, and verse,” and then do everything exactly the way God said, period. …Don’t you Joe? Well…don’t you?”

 

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Transgendered Issues

While homosexuality has been the hotly-debated political issue for Christians over the last few years, the agendas of godless activists have continually been pushed behind the scenes in ways we might have predicted but certainly didn’t expect to see so soon. Consider the issue of transgendered people, those who are born a certain sex but decide they are psychologically the other. The argument made is that there is a difference between your sex (determined by the actual body parts with which you are born) and your gender (determined by which one you decide you are). While the homosexual battle has been fought for decades now, the advocates of “anything goes” sexual norms were much smarter about their push for transgendered acceptance. They simply did all the work behind the scenes and revealed it all at once, as has happened in the last year or two. Consider a few examples.

boygirl

The Question: Boy or Girl?

The June 9 issue of Time magazine features a cover story on Laverne Cox, who was born a boy but made the decision to become a woman, saying “I just thought I was a girl and that there was no difference between girls and boys. I think in my imagination I thought that I would hit puberty and I would start turning into a girl.”

The Department of Health and Human Services (HHS) has stated that sex-reassignment surgeries will be covered by taxpayer dollars under Medicaid because they are “medically necessary.”

Laws have been passed in cities in California, Colorado, and even Texas to ensure the rights of transgendered people to use the public restroom of their choice, including full legal protection against any person who might have a problem with the presence of someone of the opposite sex in the restroom.

Here’s what Christians need to know about transgendered issues:

1. As with homosexuality, nobody is “born that way”

We’ve often pointed to the fact that, despite millions of dollars and great efforts put in by those who wanted to believe in it, a gay gene was never discovered. Even gay historians have conceded that the 21st century argument that homosexuality is innate is something all of human historical understanding contradicts. The same can be said for transgender people. Similar to homosexuality, transgenderedness was medically considered a mental disorder until recently – chemically more a matter of gender misidentity than gender identity. The factors that make a person choose the opposite gender have long been understood as tied to uncertain childhood environments and confusion as a child, something Lavern Cox even pointed to in the Time interview. Modern sexual acceptance doesn’t change those facts.

2. God doesn’t make mistakes

In the creation account we can see exactly what God intended for mankind when Genesis says, “So God created man in His own image; in the image of God He created him; male and female He created them… Then God saw everything that He had made, and indeed it was very good” (Gen. 1:27, 31a). One cannot believe in God’s sovereignty, biblical inerrancy, and the created order of male/female relationships and still buy into the idea that people were put in the wrong body. Sure, the schools (one of the first places transgender restrooms were debated) and our culture in general will try to educate young people to tolerate those who are not content living as the person God made them, but we must continue to speak the truth and hold the line where God’s Word created it. Additionally, the Bible also speaks out against those who are effeminate (1 Corinthians 6:9), proving that God expects people to live as they are created.

3. We need to be prepared

Just as homosexuality is beginning to hit the church, with lawsuits occurring in other countries that won’t be far behind here, transgender people will want to be accepted unconditionally by churches as well. While we should treat all people equally – as sinners like us in need of God’s love – parents should be very wary of the people around their families as transgendered restroom use opens the possibility of all kinds of new dangers.

We live in a world that needs God as much as it ever has and a country that is as far from Him as it ever has been. That doesn’t mean our cause is hopeless. The one positive lesson we can learn from the homosexual and transgender communities is that consistent, tireless, coordinated efforts to spread their message have worked out perfectly according to plan. Until we are so dedicated to our goal of turning our culture back to Christ that we put aside all distractions and work together with one goal and one mind, we’ll never enjoy the success they have. With God’s guidance and a lot of prayer we can do it, though. Let’s win this battle. Soldiers of Christ, arise!

 

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The Root of Pride

“But Naaman was angry and went away, saying, ‘Behold, I thought that he would surely come out to me and stand and call upon the name of the LORD his God, and wave his hand over the place and cure the leper.  Are not Abana and Pharpar, the rivers of Damascus, better than all the waters of Israel? Could I not wash in them and be clean?’ So he turned and went away in a rage” (1 Kings 5:11-12).

Pride

Pride destroys.

I know a little bit about anger and pride.  It is a set of sins that I have struggled with for many years.  I am fortunate that, over the years, I have had some good brothers help me with these issues.  Some have helped me out of real concern; others, not so much, but God has been working all that time, and I accept His correction in whatever form it comes.

The root of pride is the ego, and the ego is based in the flesh.  Consider Jesus words in Mark 7:21-23: “For from within, out of the heart of man, come evil thoughts, sexual immorality, theft, murder, adultery, coveting, wickedness, deceit, sensuality, envy, slander, pride, foolishness. All these evil things come from within, and they defile a person.”  Paul tells us that these are all works of the flesh (Galatians 5:19-21).

Pride is deceitful and insidious, and it is easy to be deceived by pride.  We tend to rationalize our behavior, and practice self justification.  This is what Naaman did.  After he went away from Elisha, he rationalized his anger by telling himself that he was worth more than what God had to offer him: a seven-fold baptism in the Jordan river.  He thought he was increasing his value by comparing himself to the prophet’s hand waving gestures, and his own homeland.  He really only cheapened himself.  A person is so much more valuable than an impressive showing, or a clean river.

This is why pride is such a problem: it reduces persons to things, and causes us not to love ourselves as God loves us, and God loves us much more than we will ever know.  After all, He gave the life of His Son for us (John 3:16).  How much was the son of God worth?  Telling ourselves that we are worth less than what God tells us we are worth is the worst kind of self-deceit, because we can’t properly love our brother if we don’t love ourselves.  Jesus said, “Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself” (Matthew 22:39).  We can make an effort at it, but we will not get very far before we become discouraged with ourselves and give up.

The flesh is deceitful making us think that we are worth some worldly object.  This is why the apostle Paul told us not to be deceived by it: “Be not deceived; God is not mocked: for whatsoever a man soweth, that shall he also reap. For he that soweth to his flesh shall of the flesh reap corruption; but he that soweth to the Spirit shall of the Spirit reap life everlasting” (Galatians 6:7-8).  Pride sows to the flesh, and it will destroy us if it goes unchecked.

I have often had this question asked to me over the years: “Is there such a thing as good pride?”  Recently a friend told me that he never read such in his Bible.  I’ve never read such either.  I have read this verse: “Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall” (Proverbs 16:18).  I’ve always read this verse as if the words “destruction” and “fall” were very bad things, and it does depend upon what kind of destruction and fall one has, but more recently, I’ve learned that “destruction” and “falling” can be very good things if directed in the right way.  Paul wrote, “And he hath said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my power is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my weaknesses, that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Corinthians 12:9).  There is always hope, but let us not think that we can sin that grace may come (Romans 6:1).

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