Conflict? Enter the Battle Time?
I do not like conflict. I don’t like it in my family life, community life, or Church life. It seems as if some people thrive in conflict. I am not one of those. I do not like the damage that conflict often brings. It is not as if all conflict is bad though. Conflict with self-control and where the involved parties are seeking the best for all is highly beneficial. It just seems that this type of interaction just isn’t common anymore. Individuals today seem to be hyper-sensitive to any criticism or differing opinion or teaching. They lash out aggressively as if every instance were a battle to be won. Insults, slander, and personal harm seem to be the rule of the game. The conflicts seem as if they are a contest of who can flex their muscles the most and show they are the bigger man! This is done even if it means lying or abusing power. The end result is anger, hurt, division, and broken relationships. Christians, we are better people than this.
Due to my dislike of conflict, over the last 5 or 6 years I have attempted to alter my responses to minimize damage upon individuals and the church. When I say alter, often I have said little or nothing, when inside I felt like much needed to be said. I have chosen the tactic to try and listen and learn and not be pulled into conflict. Unfortunately, not battling the way others would like, seems to cause them to feel as if they have license to belittle and insult without constraint. Even when choosing an environment such as email, where the medium provides opportunity for more thoughtfulness instead of rash thought and abrasiveness, it has been my experience that others can be domineering, unkind, and fail to listen.
A good Christian brother of mine who has preached for many decades once told me it is beneficial to leave a church rather than fight a battle and cause division. This means even when you have truth on your side, evidence of wrongdoing, even witnesses, that for the good of the Bride of Christ you calmly and lovingly walk away. I am not saying that he is wrong. It is quite possible there are instances where this is acceptable or even best. Perhaps in scenarios where the brethren have hardened their hearts to sin and unkindness? Maybe in situations where ears are refusing to listen and feet are braced? We could call this dusting our feet off in a “pearls before swine” environment. It is quite likely that in an atmosphere such as this, further engagement would only fan the flames rather than cultivate godliness. However, the question that continues flashing in my mind is, “What if they would stop and listen for a moment?”.
The Church and Christian brothers and sisters are at their finest when they are examining things to see if they are so (Acts 17:11). Open hearts seeking truth in love should be the goal of every conflict. When iron sharpens iron, when Christians challenge each other to be better and to know truth, our light can truly shine. Additionally, when we walk away from exposing sin, selfish ambitions, unauthorized behaviors, cruelty to other brethren, and manipulation, I am concerned that we will be held accountable for failing to act (James 4:17). Our light cannot shine if we never uncover it. Paul speaks of sharing the truth despite pressing conflict in I Thessalonians 2:2. In fact, we could examine the bulk of his ministry, it was done with the constant contention of Judaizers seeking to harm him and hinder his ministry. What happens to those who are earnest in a congregation who have been left behind? Will they fall victim to unauthorized practices, false teaching, or the hand of a man or group acting as Diotrephes?
Friends, I wish I knew when the time to engage or yield was in every instance. There are many examples of conflict in scripture, some ending well, others not. I do know that we have a Lord who died for us so that we would not behavior in a worldly manner. Let us examine ourselves often to see how we stand (2 Corinthians 13:5). People who are walking in the light do not need to be ashamed, but we must be vigilant that we do not stray from this behavior. People walking in the light should not fear others, but be bold to share the truth. Be patient and longsuffering when you can. Be kind and considerate in your dealings with all. Approach conflict with the spotless bride of Christ in mind. Be prepared to battle if needed, but seek peace where possible. Meekness is a blessed quality, and avoiding vain, destructive conflict is wise. However, if you engage in conflict, I pray it is fruitful and godly. Control the tongue, reign in the temper, and keep your eyes on Christ.
